America, C 1957, Leonard Bernstein/Stephen Sondheim, West Side
South Korea, my heart's obsession,
Call me at your own discretion.
Always the pot growers dealing;
Always the starving people stealing
And the gun-concealing;
And the coca-raising;
And the fires blazing;
I know the grass there is greener
Smoke on your pipes . . .
I like to go in A...
Did it ever occur to you
That when the two of us are around,
Everything else looks like specks of dirt to you,
Just passing by
The nighttime sky
And psychedelic sparks fall to the ground?
Everything induces dizziness,
Your head, like, totally turns to ai,
I'm feeling so happily vacant -- isn't this
The world's best way
To spend a stay
While so urbane and light and debonair?
Parody of "Carefully Taught" from South Pacific
You'll just have to learn, when up you are brought,
There are people like you, and then those who are not,
And if they're not like you, to treat them like snot,
You'll have to be duly untaught
If their skin looks much darker than yours ever will,
Your com - pat - i - bil - i - ty index is nil,
It seems fun to try and get ...
Music by John Jenkins-Stark
They say that all of us are free,
And that our nation is the best;
If that were so, how could be be a people so terribly oppressed?
Every last person, so they claim, is equal and all that, although
They really don't treat us the same,
And what they say just isn't so.
Here you're a prisoner in school as autocratic faculty
Will advantage of their rule
And squash and m...
I once learned of the roles
Of the magnetic poles,
How you must have a north and a south to attract.
But, as I explain,
The complex human brain
Has a sense of emotion those magnets all lacked.
I'm not going to sit on my derriegrave;re all day,
Never telling anyone of my choice,
So while the principal has his politically incorrect things to say,
I'll stand by the lectern and throw them a p...
Sung to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman"
Kvetchy the teacher
Was a total pedagogue;
Did a student make
But a sole mistake,
She would mark it in her log.
Like the monsoon wind
And gave many a detention;
If someone still
Broke her rules: "I will
Assign you a suspension"
Kvetchy the teacher
Was as mean as mean could be;
Not a student smiled
Who had been beguiled
By her visag...
Sung to the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic"
ENTIRE STUDENT BODY
Oh, the hiring of Liddas by
Degloba was a sin;
It was through the Devil that the school board let her in;
She imposed an evil system of inhuman discipline;
And must be overthrown
Oh, let's go out against our teacher,
That awful, old subhuman creature,
She must be stopped right now,
And it doesn't matter how,
We want our "I h...
Parody of "Let's Do It, Let's Fall in Love"
When the little green snake
With its skin inclined to flake
When the little green frog
In the shallows of the bog
Turns all red;
It looks dead
When the little green toad
In the middle of the road
Gets squashed flat
Then that means it's our turn
To go ahead and learn
And that's w...
I am using the word "oy",
True, he did at times annoy,
Pittman was a bad, bad boy,
But why must someone employ
Forces that they could deploy,
And have them seek-and-destroy
Just when we were all full of joy
Although I eat bagels and lox,
It still seems a paradox
That when the Grim Reaper stalks
Up behind and finally knocks
At the door of who gives talks
That exalt the ...
Andreo has a first name,
A-N-D-R-E-O . . .
Andreo has a second name,
N-I-K-O-L-A-O . . .
When people ask me for the longest name I ever knew,
I'll tell them what I know is true,
It's S-M-I-T-H-M-O-O-R-E-B-R-O . . .
"Pulverize the Color Barrier"?
Alan says that he loves
Everyone he may find;
But his love's just aesthetic;
It's all in his mind
I see Melanie, so romantic and li...
Sung to the tune of "Deck the Halls"
Terrorize your little brother,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
He's the one to gag and smother,
Ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha.
Kill him by asphyxiation,
Egh-egh-egh, egh-egh-egh, ech-ech-echh,
Then go give him constipation,
With gags and coughs and violent sneezes,
Ugh-ugh-ugh-ah-choo, ah-kheeeeew, ah-choo
Sung to the tune of the Orpheus Overture
Prozac, Zoloft, doxepin,
Buspar and haloperidol,
Trazodone -- I've tried it all;
Fluphenazine in a pill;
Oxazepam I've even tried
What with all these drugs I'm using,
My patience is...
Everyone's part of a family in a tribe or a race or ethnic group by
right of birth,
And we're all in the subspecies we call Homo sapiens sapiens,
the only known surviving one on Earth;
We're in the species Homo sapiens, which is in the genus
Homo, in the family that we call Hominidae,
And in the anthropoid suborder with the apes and the monkeys, and
also all the human family.
It is so bi...
Now, if I may digress momentarily from the mainstream of
this evening's symposium, I'd like to sing a song which is
completely pointless, but is something which I picked up
during my career as a scientist. This may prove useful to
some of you some day, perhaps, in a somewhat bizarre set of
circumstances. It's simply the names of the chemical
elements set to a possibly recognizable tune.
Some more hyphens with Johnson and Green;
Palmer and Hook, and then Matterson, Cooke,
And Pierce, and then Winters and Dean;
Some more of my family is Drinkwater, Wheatland, then Waters, Fields,
Hopkins and Banks;
There's Studham and Stidham, then add a whole cache
Of more hyphens for Benson and Hawkins and Nash,
Wells-Wheeler and Richmond, t...